Yesterday I went with three of my friends for my first couples shoot.... I needed some for my portfolio, so being amazing some friends said they could model for me and another friend/photographer. We rode in his jeep, and right at the beginning he apologized for it being such a bumpy ride. We joked about it being like a theme park ride and such, and then just didn't think any more of it. Today however, I was thinking...
We all know that life is like a roller coaster, it goes up and down, it goes slow and it goes fast. But while thinking about the shoot and contemplating how I've been feeling lately, I wondered if maybe riding in a jeep was a better way to describe it. A roller coaster is always the same, after you've gone on it several times you know the twists and turns, you know the bumps, you know what to expect. When riding in a jeep, you don't always know what's gonna happen. You don't know when you're going to hit a bump, you don't know when you're going to swerve, you don't know when some other driver is going to make a decision that will ruin your life for you.
I never know what to expect in my life, I never even know what to expect in my own feelings towards my work. Last night I was so so so in love with the pictures I got yesterday, then today I was looking at other photographers work and I started to feel inaddequate, I started to wonder if mine were actually good. I wondered how I could be good if I barely have anyone that likes/comments on them on Facebook, and the few that do are my loyal friends. I started to feel upset about it, and then I realized that's kind of ridiculous.
I do an online school, so I don't interact with many people daily. Most people at my local school don't even remember me.... Even though we're friends on Facebook, they'll look at me and go "who are you?". We had classes together Jr. High-Freshman year, and they didn't even recognize me. That means that the people that have liked my Facebook page, aren't doing it because they feel obligated because we're friends at school (well, that may have been some of them). That means that strangers, that know nothing about me, like my work. And photographers that I look up to and respect like my work.
Once I decided to grab the wheel of my jeep, I was able to steer myself away from the self-hatred lane and back to the semi-okay-with-myself lane. Even though I may not feel I'm better than other people because they have more friends/fans, I do have some. I have over 100!!!! I will not forget that.... Because you guys mean so much to me! Thank you all for your support!
"The only photographer you should compare yourself too, is the one you used to be."