As we all know, I invited people to share their stories with me if they wanted me to post them. This one is from someone very very dear to me... I removed my own story because of something said about me with it, but I will not tolerate anything on this post. This is a very real, raw story that is someone's life. Please please please respect this and and their story.... It takes so much for people to share these kind of stories.
I’ve always left my heart open, and because of that it’s survived quite a few bruisings. Though nothing hurts more than a blow to the heart, I wouldn’t re-do it any other way. For the first time I’m going to share my story with all of you reading this right now, I hope you’ll be able to take something away from it.
It all started with my health problems in Jr. High. I transferred schools, had several doctors appointments, a surgery, and have tried multiple medications. I felt lost, hopeless, and alone. Most people I met didn’t make it any better. I began to retreat into myself, I was sleeping all the time, but you would have never known how sad I was. I made sure to put on a smile everyday. If you asked people I spent time with they would have said I had a “happy-go-lucky” attitude.
Sadly, hiding underneath that smile, and underneath my shirt and tank top where cuts spreading across my ribs. I’d cut up to as many sixteen times a day. Mostly on my ribs, sometimes on my thighs, hips, or arms. I was always careful to hide it from friends and family. When I finally got desperate enough, I told someone who I thought was a friend. He rubbed it in my face, I was fake, useless, trash, and so many other bad things.
I cried myself to sleep for three months. I had to put lotion around my eyes every morning to keep the salt water tears from drying them out, making them red and itchy. It finally got to the point where I was tired of being alive. I got down on my knees and I prayed. I don’t know if you believe in God or not, but I just needed to know that I was worth something. If I could come out of this stronger, and help others, I wouldn’t overdose.
You know what? I did come out of it stronger. I met some amazing people that I wouldn’t want to live my life without, and i found those people that needed help. After a couple relapses, and lots of trying I did it. No more cuts
I now have hopes and dreams. I want to be a photographer and catch those shining moments of happiness, or maybe even of distress, so people can look back on their experiences and see where they’ve been and where they’re going. It may be a big dream, but I want to see it come true.You are not worthless, you are alive. You’re beautiful whoever you are, and I love you. If you’re struggling, please hang in there. I know you’re at the end of your rope, but tie a knot in it and hold on tight!
"You where created to love, and to be loved" - http://www.twloha.com/
The after math, Just so you all know. I’m now a sophomore in high-school, some of my friends have called my now natural optimism “overpowering.” I stand just a little bit taller, I’m proud of who I am, what I overcame, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I’ll be a year self-harm free on my sixteenth birthday.
1 comment:
I am so so so proud of whoever's story this is for sharing it. I used to self harm, for many many years and it has had such an impact on me. I never dealt with my pain and it's coming back to me 10 years later. For every person out there who cuts, or feels like they want to, I hope they find the strength from somewhere to stop. I hope they find the strength to turn their lives around and find that control they so desperately need. I hope they find the strength to face up to the underlying problems head on and one day, be happy.
I've been self harm free for three years now, it took a lot of growing up for me to realise that it wasn't the answer and even more growing up to learn not to depend on it.
I wish this person lots of love and strength and happiness into their lives.
macgirlsadventures.co.uk
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